wind beneath my nose

i was attending a conference today and during one of the lectures the guy in front of me decided to visit us with a gastronomical effluence. in the quiet of the hall a small poop floated up from under my nose. thank god it was a relatively odorless one. he actually shifted his entire body to one side in order to facilitate the passage of said exhaust from his a**hole. i glanced at my colleague sitting by my side to see if she had caught on but true to form she was the picture of perfect composure. no hint whatsoever that she had noticed the social travesty that had just occurred before her. to her i salute and to the perpetrator i say this, "put a cork in it!"